Life • November 23, 2014

{The Ordinary Moments 14} #44 ‘ Rambling, Reflecting and Feeling Thankful.

I don’t know what it is about this time of year.  While I love December and the anticipation of Christmas more than any other month, I find that I become very reflective and almost a little sombre around this time each year.  I find that my mood is very up and down- one minute I can be really excited and festive, the next minute I can feel a little down in the dumps.  But more than that I think this time of year makes me more anxious and as silly as it sounds, a little more fearful.

I worry about things more. I think some of it is inevitable- the dark nights, grey days and horrible weather aren’t the most welcome of visitors, and they can dampen any mood.  It can be absolutely ridiculous or far fetched things such as going into Central London in case there is a terrorist attack, or worrying about Mads and LL going in the car without me when it’s raining or bad weather.  In my mind I know I am being a bit dramatic and OTT but it’s almost like at Christmas- the time where picture smiling images of family and happy times are absolutely everywhere you look- I am fearful that something may burst our own little bubble of happiness.

I am very much a wear my heart on my sleeve type of person and I am a natural born worrier.   I constantly tell everyone in my family that I love them and I say to Mr E about five times a day ‘Aren’t we lucky?’ or ‘We are so lucky to have our girls.’  And that’s the thing, I genuinely mean it.  I think becoming a mother has made me realise just how fragile life can be for some and how thankful I am for my family.  While I have always worried about the what if’s and have always been quite anxious on occasions, having Mads and LL has made me a lot worse.

But while it has made me more fearful of those unspeakable what if’s, it’s also made me a lot more positive.  I would go as far as to say becoming a parent has made me a better person.  It’s made me incredibly grateful to be able to have those mundane, not very exciting parts of life that before I was a mother I wouldn’t have given a second thought to.  I’ve always had a very close family, but it’s made me appreciate them even more if that’s possible.

On Mondays we spend the morning with my Mum, they are my favourite day of the week as I love spending time with my Mum, we all adore her.  This week we went over to see my Grandma as it was her birthday.  I snapped a few photos of my girls and her on my iPhone, not thinking anything of it at all.  However when I looked at them a few days later, they actually made me get tears in my eyes

Being able to have the ability to take photos, to make videos, to record memories, is such an amazing thing.  To be able to freeze these moments, to replay them and to look at them is such a great privilege.

But the even greater privilege?  To be able to experience them.

GrandmaMadsLLNov14


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