Life • November 11, 2013

Tough.

This blog is a happy place.

I am well aware it might not be to everyone’s tastes, full of soppy feelings, memories of how my children make me feel and what we have been getting up to.  But that is just the way I am.

I generally am a positive person, and I am generally a happy person.  Our life isn’t perfect, but we are happy.  We have a strong relationship, a nice little home and a loving family.  We most certainly aren’t flash but we have enough money to put food on the table, buy the occasional treat or go on days out.  Our two girls have brought so much sunshine and good times into our lives, and I want to celebrate that.  I want to record all our ordinary moments, days out, and holidays.  Our day to day life.  And the way motherhood has shaped me as a person.

Of course life can be mundane and isn’t always about the pretty picture perfect photos I put on this blog.  My husband and I bicker, I have bad days where I question myself as a parent, and I have days where I cannot wait for them to go to bed.  But for the most part, our life is good.  I don’t feel the need to focus on the negatives too much, for the not so good times are pretty fleeting.

Almost everybody I know who has two children (or more) has at some point had a ‘stage’.  A stage where they find it tough.  Even with one child.  Because as we know children are complex and as they grow they can go through more difficult stages.  Since having LL, I haven’t had a period of time where it has been really hard.  Of course we have challenging days, but for the most part, I have been so lucky with them both.  With the fact they get on so well and that Mads is the most lovely big sister, and that for the most part they are both reasonably laid back.  I haven’t found having two children doubly hard, and we have settled into a happy routine.  Even the earliest newborn days, we just found a way to make it work.

This week I think I may have experienced that ‘stage’.  I have had one of the toughest weeks since I became a mother.  A lot of it actually isn’t the girls, but other things going on in our lives.  Just bits and pieces- remortgage worries, work worries, and other worries.  Nothing big or too worrying- just little things that because they are happening all at once have accumulated into one big, shitty week.  On top of that both girls have had colds.  Not bad ones, but enough to make them a bit under the weather, grumpy, hard work and make nap times go wrong.  Just when you need them the most.

I don’t know whether it is because as a mother I am pretty laid back, or whether it is because I have a husband who helps me out no end, but generally when I have a challenging parenting day, it normally goes away after a nice hot bath or a pack of chocolate buttons.  But this week, combined with the other things, I have just generally found things really tough.  I have wanted to crawl into my bed and hide under the covers.  I have lost my patience more than I should, cried on more than one occasion and just felt a bit tense.

Yesterday afternoon even Mr E who couldn’t be more relaxed, was at breaking point.  Two poorly children, one little one lying on the floor crying because she didn’t want to be put down, and one big one who was really testing us both by being the naughtiest she had ever been.

But then we realised that there was nothing that we could do.  That even through the crappy days, we are the grown ups.  It’s not just about us anymore.  That we can’t hide away under the covers.  That we just have to wipe the streaming noses, discipline the under the weather tantrums as best we can, and realise that we are lucky.  That compared to a lot of people, our problems are absolutely nothing.

And like a quote I once pinned on pinterest-

“That there is always, always something to smile about.”

In fact there are lots of things to smile about.

lldaddysil

 

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